In This World, Not of It.

Lord, Thank you for your word found in Zephaniah 3:

¹ Woe to the city of oppressors,
       rebellious and defiled!
 ² She obeys no one,
       she accepts no correction.
       She does not trust in the LORD,
       she does not draw near to her God.
 ³ Her officials are roaring lions,
       her rulers are evening wolves,
       who leave nothing for the morning.
 ⁴ Her prophets are arrogant;
       they are treacherous men.
       Her priests profane the sanctuary
       and do violence to the law.
 ⁵ The LORD within her is righteous;
       he does no wrong.
       Morning by morning he dispenses his justice,
       and every new day he does not fail,
       yet the unrighteous know no shame.
 ⁶ "I have cut off nations;
       their strongholds are demolished.
       I have left their streets deserted,
       with no one passing through.
       Their cities are destroyed;
       no one will be left—no one at all.
 ⁷ I said to the city,
       'Surely you will fear me
       and accept correction!'
       Then her dwelling would not be cut off,
       nor all my punishments come upon her.
       But they were still eager
       to act corruptly in all they did.
 ⁸ Therefore wait for me," declares the LORD,
       "for the day I will stand up to testify.
       I have decided to assemble the nations,
       to gather the kingdoms
       and to pour out my wrath on them—
       all my fierce anger.
       The whole world will be consumed
       by the fire of my jealous anger.
 ⁹ "Then will I purify the lips of the peoples,
       that all of them may call on the name of the LORD
       and serve him shoulder to shoulder.
 ¹⁰ From beyond the rivers of Cush
       my worshipers, my scattered people,
       will bring me offerings.
 ¹¹ On that day you will not be put to shame
       for all the wrongs you have done to me,
       because I will remove from this city
       those who rejoice in their pride.
       Never again will you be haughty
       on my holy hill.
 ¹² But I will leave within you
       the meek and humble,
       who trust in the name of the LORD.
 ¹³ The remnant of Israel will do no wrong;
       they will speak no lies,
       nor will deceit be found in their mouths.
       They will eat and lie down
       and no one will make them afraid."
 ¹⁴ Sing, O Daughter of Zion;
       shout aloud, O Israel!
       Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
       O Daughter of Jerusalem!
 ¹⁵ The LORD has taken away your punishment,
       he has turned back your enemy. 
       The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;
       never again will you fear any harm.
 ¹⁶ On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
       "Do not fear, O Zion;
       do not let your hands hang limp.
 ¹⁷ The LORD your God is with you,
       he is mighty to save.
       He will take great delight in you,
       he will quiet you with his love,
       he will rejoice over you with singing."
 ¹⁸ "The sorrows for the appointed feasts
       I will remove from you;
       they are a burden and a reproach to you.
 ¹⁹ At that time I will deal
       with all who oppressed you;
       I will rescue the lame
       and gather those who have been scattered.
       I will give them praise and honor
       in every land where they were put to shame.
 ²⁰ At that time I will gather you;
       at that time I will bring you home.
       I will give you honor and praise
       among all the peoples of the earth
       when I restore your fortunes
       before your very eyes,"
       says the LORD.


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Thank you, Lord, for giving us a home, sheltered from sin. Thank you for your promise in verses 9 and 17. May I be one of those considered meek and humble in verse 12 God... and if I am not, make me that way. Guide me, God... in all that is approaching, Lord. I TRUST you.

Amen.

Hebrews 6:10.

It's everywhere God... and I don't even have to ask if this is You trying to tell me something... because I know it is. You know me... You have seen me... You have heard the cries of my heart. You were there, all along, as I immersed myself in The Face of God, and with it, immersed myself in fear, insecurity, and condemnation... even though that was not the book's point nor the author's purpose.

But I did.
Because I always do.
Always.


I didn't even search Your word. It fell on my lap. Hebrews 6. I have seen it at least 4-5 times since my initial reading last night... all in different circumstances, through different people or means.

You are faithful.


And you have seen my faithfulness. You know my heart. You know I live to please You, to serve You, to love You. Your very own word says it best:

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. (Hebrews 6:10).

But there is so much more.
So, so, so much more.


So much more for me to learn, to know, to feel, to love, to see, to hear, to experience, to touch, to meet, to speak, to teach, to live...

God, I'm sick... absolutely sick of living life on the sidelines.

It's crazy, huh... how I could be the world traveler that I am... independent scholar that I am... the "life liver" that I am... and still feel like I'm living on the sidelines. Absolutely insane. I guess that just goes to show that it's all about attitude.

But I'm ready to be put in the game, Lord. I'm ready to be healed by your all-encompassing, all-enveloping, all-consuming love. I don't care what it takes. I will prove to be obedient, God.

I will obey You out of love for You.
I will love others because of my love for You.

Make Your love my foundation for being... for existing... for serving.

Many are my faults and sins. I have let my life be chained by fear, retrained by comforts. I have avoided God, the Creator of the Universe, the Savior of the world, the Savior of my very soul. How dare I? How could I? I've spent the past three days pouring my mind, times, and energy into reading The Face of God by Bill Myers... a piece of Christian fiction that will... yeah, mess you up. I'd read it before when I was younger... but it carries so much more meaning now. This book has brought fear and questioning into my life these past few days. I have wrestled with the characteristics of God... there are so many. His justice, His mercy, His love, His will. Even more so, I have wrestled with who I am in light of God. This is not a new issue... this is something that has been buried deep with in my soul forever. Who am I? What am I made for? 

Regardless, as I have been reading this book... I've been putting off reading the Word, praying (which... I hardly ever pray anymore... it's pathetic... but I will address this issue in a moment), connecting with God. Can you imagine though... God still finds a way to connect with me. This doesn't surprise me in the sense that I don't believe He can do it... God can do anything! It surprises me more in this sense: Why? Why me? I am so undeserving. Yes, we all are... but I feel as if I am, especially. I am beginning to wonder, do I use this "undeserving" bit as an excuse, as self pity?... or do I legitimately feel this way? I predict the former. 


The point of this rant: God has shown me my sin. I have always identified this as a fault in my life, and yes as a sin. But now it is confirmed through His word in Hebrews 6:

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  Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so. 
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  It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. 
  
  
  Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned. 
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  Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.